Trauma. It's one of those things people are uncomfortable talking about either about themselves or about people they know. It's A LOT of intense emotion and sometimes you don't know if you can hold it all inside, so you push it down. I get it.
Trauma is a combination of anxiety & depression. Anxiety has our stress response working overtime, and depression has us wanting to avoid our emotions. You can read more about this experience HERE.
Managing your trauma effectively helps you prevent self-sabotage as well as address your fatigue, distraction, and overwhelm. How do we get out of our own way & heal, so we can keep pursuing our definition of success?
Indecisive Decisions
Trauma affects our decisions. Whether we like it or not, most of our decisions are emotionally based even when we try our best to be completely logical about it.
A lot of decisions are also made unconsciously & some are based on habit. The less our conscious mind has to think about everything we do, the better it can take in new data.
Unhealed trauma prevents us from making the decisions that would take us out of our comfort zone, yet would lead us to more success. Success is earned. It requires making patterns of aligned decisions that lead you to your value or goal driven goals. These goals don't have to be complicated, they can be basic human needs.
- Do triggers pop up that stop you in your tracks?
- What's your relationship with risk vs your comfort zone?
- How would you act differently if your trauma was healed and it not longer had a strong emotional reaction?
Your Insides Are Yelling
During a casual conversation in the media lately, I heard someone say that if you just deal with your triggers, you'll be okay. I HAD to interject and say how untrue this statement was, & here's why. Triggers are:
symptoms of a deeper problem
like playing whack-a-mole, they can just keep coming up
only 1 aspect of the trauma
not always recognized them until they come up
able to hit us at any time
only healing the surface struggles which opens you up to seeing the deeper layers - you can't just leave an open wound
Trauma is a full system response to an event or series of events that has many layers. What is actually causing the triggers? What is causing those thoughts, connections, beliefs, etc?
Thankfully my comment on the issue was spoken & given credit on air shortly afterwards.
Everything Is Figuroutable
High performers are all about being able to figure things out! I love the quote and book title "Everything is Figuroutable" by Marie Forleo, but it's so true! I can't wait to get a copy and start reading. (No, I'm not an affiliate, just a fan.)
"High performers are all about being able to figure things out."
We thrive when challenged, because as badasses, we trust ourselves to figure it out! Even if for some reason we don't figure it out, we pick ourselves back up, learn valuable insights, and continue on even better than before.
Not everything has a right answer, a perfect outcome, or a best way to do it. It's okay to ask questions, think differently, and create your own methods. This is how problems solving works!
No More Bandages Short term success is seductive though. It promises all the things you want in the moments you feel the most vulnerable. The results are fast, noticeable, and yet short lived. It felt great to not have to deal with your pain for a time, so you engage in the same or similar behaviour to feel good again.
Does that sound like something else we know? It sounds like addiction to me.
Not all short term or "bandage" solutions turn into addictive behaviours, but the struggle can be very real. (Ex. I remember a time when I tried to escape life by playing online video games so much, that I ignored all other duties in order to do so. I quit cold turkey for a while after that.)
Bandage solutions are temporary. They don't address any underlying problems, or change behaviour. If you don't want to feel stuck anymore, you have to pull the bandage off & start to heal what's underneath.
Long Term Success Long term success means learning new things, adapting our habits, and building the skills needed to succeed. This is the difference between giving someone a fish so they can eat for a day, and teaching them to fish so they can eat for a lifetime.
All you want is to ultimately feel heard, understood, and to just feel better! This isn't only done by expressing yourself to other people, in other places, or with other things. This HAS to be done on a deeper level INSIDE YOU.
Listen To Your Insides
Your insides are made up of your mind, body, and spirit. All of these aspects of yourself need to feel heard, understood, and to feel better. Healing beyond the triggers means asking all parts of ourself how we are affected.
I know for some this sounds silly, but our bodies are built to communicate with us. We don't usually like to listen until it starts to yell at us by any means it knows how. Our bodies don't speak our language, but constantly communicate. Are you listening?
The answers you seek from yourself are already in there, in a non verbal system that just wants you to thrive. They come out more easily when you are the one leading the healing effort vs feeling forced to experience your inner darkness.
The mind stores things like memory, emotion, perception, and experience. Ask yourself things like:
Which emotions keep coming up a lot?
Which memories keep coming back to me or are strong?
Mind, what are you trying to tell me?
The body stores things like tension, memory, and pain. Ask yourself things like:
What physical sensations do I feel in my body?
Where am I holding tension?
When did the pain start, and when does it feel better?
The spirit stores things like our beliefs, values, & personality. Ask yourself things like:
What do I believe about the emotions I'm holding back?
How does the impact of this goal measure up to the fear of my trauma?
How did I think, act, feel, and what did I believe when I was at my best?
What else does your whole being have to say to you? Remember that it's not always in words, so pay attention to all of your 5 (or more) senses and see what comes up. It doesn't have to make sense, it just needs to feel heard, understood, and to feel better.
Address the root so you can get unstuck. I want to see how bright you shine. Don't worry, I'll put on sunglasses and never ask you to dull your light. Go be your badass self!
How often do you listen to your gut or intuition?
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Learn, Love, and keep your Momentum,
Laura Lake <3