On and offline media is filled with posts, ads, and conversation about how to change. "New year, new you!" "How to get more/better __!" "So-and-so has/does __ and you can too!"
Some of it is intended to make you feel like you're not enough, and some of it intended to help you change & grow. Can we feel like we're enough AND be allowed to want to change? Upbringing
Who here has had a perfect, super loving, and nurturing upbringing? Yeah, me neither, but guess what? That's pretty normal. For the small few who grew up in a completely healthy environment... if you exist... congratulations! :)
"Receiving love, affection, nurturing, and attention sometimes came at the price of trying to"fix" something in our environment."
Our childhood plays a huge role in how we see ourselves. Receiving love, affection, nurturing, and attention sometimes came at the price of trying to"fix" something in our environment. Little did we know that our efforts didn't "fix" anything, but may have temporarily interrupted the typical flow of the situation, resulting in the other person making a more pleasing (to us) choice.
Being in a dysfunctional environment is not your fault, but do not blame others for it, decide to show compassion for them instead. Appreciate they did their best at the time with what they knew and what they had. When we know better, we practice being better.
Fixing Others You cannot change or "fix" others and it's certainly not your job to do so. You do not get to choose how someone else thinks, feels, acts, or even what they believe. This is why & how it's not your fault how they act.
Yes, we can try to influence other people by changing how we treat them, but in the end THEY still make the decisions.
Yes, we can try to influence other people by changing how we treat them, but in the end THEY still make the decisions. ~cough~ Creating the space to respond vs react is where mindfulness comes in. ~cough~
Shameless Plug: Join me LIVE for Monday Morning Mindfulness every Monday at 8:45am AT at Facebook.com/LauraLakeDesigns.
Their decisions toward us have nothing to do with us. If someone else was in our place with the same circumstances & history, I'm almost 100% sure their reaction would be the same. If this is true, then how can the root of the issue be about you? It's not about you, so stop taking on other people's baggage. Who Are You?
It's difficult to see yourself clearly enough to define who you are, until you release the armour & baggage you carry from others. Instead of taking the easier way of trying to "fix" others by taking it on ourselves, try the more difficult path of seeing your own wounds & obstacles and healing those.
"By doing the courageous and hard work of healing ourselves, we reinforce the fact that we are whole, complete, and worthy, despite our mistakes."
When we fail at trying to change others, it reinforces the belief that we're not good enough. By doing the courageous and hard work of healing ourselves, we reinforce the fact that we are whole, complete, and worthy, despite our mistakes. Even though you're not perfect, you are a good person & deserve better.
You Are Enough
Think of everything you have experienced & endured up until this point, and yet you're still here. I'm very proud of you. With and without changing, you were still enough to make it here. Never forget that.
When you were born, you were a complete version of you. Today you are a complete version, and way off into the future you will STILL be a complete version of you. having said that, sometimes you aren't the right thing for someone else. Does that make either of you less than whole? No. You will always be enough for the right people, never enough to the wrong ones, and a bit of both to the people in between.
Wanting More
A seed for a tree is enough as it is. The seed grows. It always strives for more light, nutrients, and growth. Is the seed or tree not enough? No. 🌰->🌱->🌿->🌳->🍂->🌰 Wanting more is about the intention.
Are you wanting more because of fear, guilt, shame, or lack? They are usually outward influences that we internalize and grow as problems. As covered in the blog post How To Want What You Need, these psychological states are rooted in 1 of the main motivators. Fear may be powerful, but it has no direction except "away." Running with no direction gets you nowhere fast.
Wanting more is about the intention.
Try wanting more because of love, desire, joy, and meaning. These states pull us toward something, and once clearer than our fears, can be an even more powerful motivator. Wanting more in this way means you are honouring your values. It's reinforcing the fact we are not broken, but in fact, enough as we are.
Change
Change is what happens when we put in consistent and aligned effort for something else. Plants, animals, and even rocks can change. None of this change makes them "less than" they were, only a different state of what they are.
Butterflies are gorgeous examples of transformation without changing who they are at their core. From egg straight through to the winged creatures we admire, they are complete.
Wanting to change your weight, your financial situation, your relationships, or even your habits, if done through love & honouring your values, is completely allowed even when you feel you are enough.
Give yourself permission to pursue that which helps you thrive. Life is worth living because of the experiences we have and the things, both intangible and tangible, that show us we have a place in this world. Wherever you are, you are and will be enough, forever and always.
What are you striving for that you are willing to show up as your best?
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Learn, Love, and keep your Momentum,
Laura Lake <3