Self-compassion is how we relate to ourselves and the people around us. It's our ability to connect & share experiences. It helps us recognize suffering and want to do something about it. We're much better at showing compassion towards other people because it's less painful to help someone through their pain than it is to deal with our own. We can't control the emotions of other people, but we can change our ability to connect with ourself and others. Feeling connected is a basic need. If I'm being completely honest, this is one area I feel I could use more growth. How can I be truly present & express myself if I'm not allowing myself the space to just be?
Compassion
According to Dictionary.com, compassion is "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."
"We're much better at showing compassion towards other people because it's less painful to help someone through their pain than it is to deal with our own."
Sympathy is about the power of sharing the feelings of another. When it comes to yourself, this means allowing yourself to feel these feelings, and expressing them. This doesn't mean you throw a pity party and invite all your friends. It means you give yourself permission to fully experience the feeling in a healthy way. Going through that authentic experience will have your emotions feeling heard, just like a young child trying to get your attention and you finally look at them to ask what they need. The urgency will slip away, and you'll have the mental space to respond to the situation.
Just Be Our mental space is taken up by many external influences & expectations. Society places a lot of emphasis on the "doing." We think our self-value is in what we do, what our goals are, or what we accomplish. Our value is intrinsic. It's always there as a part of who we are, not what we do. It's not something somebody else gets to evaluate, it's how we see ourselves. This is where mental wellness with self-compassion come in.
"Our value is intrinsic."
Practicing self-compassion helps us look inside, be okay with who we are, and seek support from within ourselves first. When we allow ourselves to just "be," then we take control of our own perception & management of the self. We all deserve to be heard & understood.
Benefits What does it feel like to feel heard and understood? I don't just mean once, but on a regular basis. Self-compassion is one way of consistently supporting ourselves & our needs.
Our goals with self-compassion are to aim for long term health & happiness, to remove shame and guilt as our motivator, and to nurture our independence as unique and whole beings. Some of the benefits of practicing self compassion are:
Being able to recognize suffering. The more you practice, the quicker you'll notice, the faster you'll work through it, and the less it will affect you again in the future.
Understanding the power of expressing emotions. When you're too busy trying to avoid something, you don't have as much attention left over to focus on something else. Expressing yourself lets go of the energy and tension of the emotion. Let it goooo!
Standing up to our inner critic. Our inner critic is built from what we hold onto whether it's truth or not. It's what we've learned as kids, the beliefs that were instilled, the comments spoken, the feelings not addressed...everything that thinks it's trying to serve us but only wants to hide us in our comfort zone. Check what you consider to be normal & comfortable. It's not always serving us.
Reduces anxiety & depression. How many of your thoughts are about the past (depression) or future (anxiety)? Allowing yourself to just "be" instead of trying to fit into someone's box of expectations allows you to minimize judgements & allow emotions to be processed.
Changing the focus from judging to kindness. We cannot be curious and judge at the same time. Creating mental space is about curiosity & allowing things to unfold naturally & healthfully. Kindness comes from hearing and understanding which starts with curiosity.
Able to adapt & manage higher pressure. If you had an obstacle course made out of emotions and triggers, you'd want to train how to overcome them. Self-compassion is that practice. You level up the more practice. The higher level you are, the more you can adapt & overcome.
Increases persistence & resilience. When you believe in and support yourself, marvellous things happen. Knowing you're not perfect, but human, can give you better perspective to keep going. It's not the end of the world, there is still hope, and you'll be there for yourself no matter what. That's beautiful. That self-support first makes you a badass, so keep getting up!
Yes, there are more. No I'm not covering them all. Yes, I encourage you to read other articles on the same topic. Go forth and grow your minds! Quote This week I'll leave you with a quote from Dr Kristin Neff, leading researcher on self-compassion at the Univeristy of Texas at Austin: "People are often very hard on themselves when they notice something they want to change because they think they can shame themselves into action – the self-flagellation approach. However, this approach often backfires if you can’t face difficult truths about yourself because you are so afraid of hating yourself if you do. Thus, weaknesses may remain unacknowledged in an unconscious attempt to avoid self-censure. In contrast, the care intrinsic to compassion provides a powerful motivating force for growth and change, while also providing the safety needed to see the self clearly without fear of self-condemnation."
Seeing the self clearly will help you know, like, and trust yourself, setting the stage for your clients to learn how to know, like, and trust you.
Seeing the self clearly will help you know, like, and trust yourself, setting the stage for your clients to learn how to know, like, and trust you. How do you help yourself feel safe?
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Learn, Love, and keep your Momentum,
Laura Lake <3