Authenticity seems to be the big push lately after so many decades of varying degrees of commercial manipulation. It's a newer practice and people are still trying to find their space and feel for it. Some people are still holding onto the art of manipulation and others are the complete opposite and sharing every detail of everything. Where is the sweet spot?
First, let's talk the EXTREMES. Self-Deprecation
Self-deprecation is a popular transitional form of authenticity. According to dictionary.com (at first it was just because I knew how to spell the word "dictionary") the definition of self-deprecation is "belittling or undervaluing oneself; excessively modest."
That doesn't sound fun or interesting.
In fact, it feels kind of icky. Do you feel that too?
Self-deprecation is what happens when (let's be real about this...) someone is still afraid to put themselves out there with the truth. Ex. "Omg, I'm so bad at cooking. I burn almost everything I make, lol." The truth is I never bothered to learn until recently, don't pay it much attention, and try to multi-task. The truth makes me look like the bad-guy, but the self-deprecation just shrugs it off.
When [self-deprecation] gets excessive, hurtful, real, or attention seeking, it's time to lay off for a while.
Now, this is not true for every situation of it, but the self-deprecation that tends to be all over social media and that's practiced in social situations is based on manipulation in one of 2 ways:
1. You want other people to feel or do something for YOU
(pity, sadness, buy your stuff, like your post, etc)
2. You don't want others to see YOU in a certain way
(better than, more than, __er, etc)
The practice of self-deprecation has it's place in smaller, less pivotal ways to elicit laughter, add lightness, and practice light modesty. When it gets excessive, hurtful, real, or attention seeking, it's time to lay off for a while.
Authenticity As usual, I want to make sure we're all on the same page & have a foundation of understanding on which to build, SO...here's the definition of authentic. According to Dictionary.com (Not affiliated but would LOVE to be) authenticity means being genuine, real, reliable, and true to one's nature & beliefs.
This is what happens when we share our truth and be ourselves, not someone else's version of who we are or what we "should" be. Everything you are, everything you do, everything you've been through and are STILL going through is all your story. Some people feel the need to share all of it. Yes, all of it. There is no line between private and personal because it's all on social media. What are they looking for? Validation, verification they're on the right path, laying out all the facts for all to see in excruciating detail...it's a bit much even for me! The POWER! Muwahaha! Okay, here's the trick...the power comes from balancing the line between self-deprecation and full-on authenticity. Yeah, you probably already knew that. I always knew you were a smart one! Seriously though, the trick is in the way you add VALUE. Most situations of self-deprecation that are used, do not add value to the situation. They are occassional. To make them lighter and more accepted, try finding a way to add value to others, not yourself. Ex."Omg, I'm so bad at cooking! I know if I spent more time with Trish, that I'd learn to do it right. Then I could practice paying attention so it doesn't burn everytime." This is the truth. I'm being real. I'm not looking for validation or anything from the listener. There is no ask of you. The value is in knowing my shortcomings and stating how I could fix them. Side Note: Yes, I have indeed learned a lot from my friend Trish. Watching cooking shows on Netflix with my daughter helps too. (Omg, "Nailed It" and "Sugar Rush" anyone?)
Seriously though, the trick is in the way you add VALUE.
Constructive Vulnerability The term Constructive Vulnerability is what I've decided to call this super power of adding value through authenticity. Why is it so valuable? What people want is someone ELSE to explore new territory, plot new routes, build new pathways, and write the guidebook on what to do at each obstacle along the road. Doing it ourselves, alone, or in a leading role, is really hard. Nobody has gone down that path before, nobody bothered to document, or maybe even nobody bothered to make the path easier for the next person coming along by trimming a few branches or moving a couple rocks out of the way. Having courageous people share just enough of the hard stuff to add value without the fluff or too many personal details, is just what we need to see ourselves on the same path to freedom. Seeing ourselves in your story allows us to see our shared path & move forward. Now, isn't that what we all want? Freedom? Where are YOU on the scale of "ruthless self-deprecation" to "oversharing authenticity?"
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Learn, Love, and keep your Momentum,
Laura Lake <3
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